Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I hate money.
I know that this sentence is worn, tired, and over-used, but.... I really hate money. It is so hard. Yet, I'm totally for a capitalist society. I think we should all have to work for what we have and what we get, etc. It's just...hard, sometimes. Especially when I'm pregnant and not really able to work (and being in my eighth month now, no one is going to hire me anyway!).

It's amazing how bills can pile up. Especially when you've been making payments on them! But new ones keep happening. And my husband works so hard, but they have taken away his overtime, all the overtime for workers in his building, and that really makes things hard. When we decided we could have a child, it was because he got this new job, which had a raise from what he made before, and also promised 10-20 hours of overtime every week. EVERY WEEK! Now it's been nearly three months without any overtime at all. And I haven't worked for the last month or so. And we've got hospital bills beginning to arrive, dentist visits that NEED to happen, chiropractor visits that NEED to happen. And a savings account that is dwindling very quickly to nothing.

Oh...and a baby on the way.

Insurance companies suck, and my lack of understanding of them sucks. I know my mis-informed self is my own doing, but I was still really staggered by the bill we received from the hospital lately. I was under the impression that our insurance paid 80%. Well...apparently for hospital stuff, there is a $500 deductible we first have to pay (I thought it was in with the $250 deductible for regular medical stuff), and then our insurance seems to only pay 60% of the bill, up to a certain amount. And we're left with the rest. Which on this first bill, is most of it. The insurance deemed it necessary to pay but a small amount. A small enough amount that I'm not sure it's even worth paying for insurance.

Sometimes it is SO EASY to be upset. And just cry. Part of this is hormones, I know. But nevertheless, it's easy. I really try to be tough, to not get overly upset, to think ahead and be reasonalble....but (especially when hormones are ruling me) reason sometimes escapes me and all I can see is this black hole that is swallowing me, telling me I was wrong, so very wrong to think we could handle having a child right now.

But I wanted one. I want one. I have dreams of this beautiful little girl I am carrying. I have a feeling she and I will do a lot of crying together...

But I won't be able to work until mid-may, likely. Can we last until mid-may? We'll have to. And I don't really want to drop my daughter off at a baby-sitters to raise, but I will need to work and have income. And I love my work, I'll love being back out with the horses. I will make sure I have plenty of days off, or days mostly off, to spend with my child.

I just wish I could see the road ahead. I wish I could say, "It's okay. In such a period of time, Mark will have overtime and I will be making such amount of money every month, and we'll be able to pay our bills, keep our heads above the water, and make a happy family with our daughter."

But I can't say that. All I can really say, is: "I think things will be okay. They have to be okay."

And that sucks.

Labels: , , , , ,

posted by FortuitousEquilibrium @ 2:51 PM  
7 Comments:
  • At March 1, 2007 at 1:04 PM, Blogger Library Kid said…

    I've been saying I hate Money since I was 16 years old and I was given the title of "man of the house", trying to support a single mom with two kids...

    Even now, I'm on the brink of graduating college and I am already doubting the promises of greater income with a bachelor's degree.

    I hate money...more so now that i've read this great post.

     
  • At March 3, 2007 at 12:40 AM, Blogger Marie said…

    My husband lost his job three months after I got pregnant with our first son.

    He didn't work again until after the kid was born. I was a bundle of nerves.

    Fast forward twenty years and five kids - I was able to stay home with them all. We've been broke here and there but we haven't got hungry. All this to say, hang in there.

     
  • At March 6, 2007 at 9:13 AM, Blogger Unknown said…

    I can understand. When I was pregnant, my insurance company took it's good ol time to pay their part of the bills (I was lucky and had medicaid to cover the last part). So once a bill was 6 months old, they'd send them to me. I was so hormonal that I'd panic. Luckily my insurance did get their butts in gear and paid their part so medicaid could cover the rest.

    My mom is slightly diabetic (lowest level Diabetes that you can go), but she still has meds to take. With the $500 deductible on her insurance, she's expected to pay over $100 for one medication per month til the deductible is covered. That's just one of a few medications she takes per month. Of course once the deductible is covered she'll still have her percent to pay.

    All and all, I feel for you on the insurance thing. Once it's all over, though, you can relax. I wish you the best of luck!

    Angel

     
  • At March 8, 2007 at 11:09 PM, Blogger Soren said…

    Sounds like there are some struggles in your life right now. Hang in there. I know that money, more specifically, not having enough money can be tough.

     
  • At March 10, 2007 at 12:24 PM, Blogger JudesMommy said…

    It will be OK. Just remember to breathe, breathe, breathe and take one tiny babystep at a time when the black hole threatens to swallow you! Your beautiful little girl will be the love of your life and when you look in her eyes she will make it all better.

     
  • At March 12, 2007 at 7:05 AM, Blogger Pendullum said…

    That is a great deal on your plate...
    And money is never easy...
    But most people are getting themselves further and further in debt...Myself included...
    Where I am not from your country, and I admit, I would be very scared in dealing with insurance compaies when it comes to my health...
    I find the one thing our has that makes me proud, is health care... Our taxes pay for our visits to the hospital or doctor...
    It may not be perfect but it is universal.... Everyone is entitled treatment...
    It may seems like you have all the basis covered though. You have insurance, you are having a healthy pregnancy...
    Take your time... it will fit into place... It just will...

     
  • At March 17, 2007 at 6:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My "now" ex and I didn't have a pot to pee in when we had our firstborn. You make it work somehow...it always does in the end.

    Stating "ex" was probably a bad example :) but the example I have intended is that somehow, you find a way.

     
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I hate money.

I know that this sentence is worn, tired, and over-used, but.... I really hate money. It is so hard. Yet, I'm totally for a capitalist society. I think we should all have to work for what we have and what we get, etc. It's just...hard, sometimes. Especially when I'm pregnant and not really able to work (and being in my eighth month now, no one is going to hire me anyway!).

It's amazing how bills can pile up. Especially when you've been making payments on them! But new ones keep happening. And my husband works so hard, but they have taken away his overtime, all the overtime for workers in his building, and that really makes things hard. When we decided we could have a child, it was because he got this new job, which had a raise from what he made before, and also promised 10-20 hours of overtime every week. EVERY WEEK! Now it's been nearly three months without any overtime at all. And I haven't worked for the last month or so. And we've got hospital bills beginning to arrive, dentist visits that NEED to happen, chiropractor visits that NEED to happen. And a savings account that is dwindling very quickly to nothing.

Oh...and a baby on the way.

Insurance companies suck, and my lack of understanding of them sucks. I know my mis-informed self is my own doing, but I was still really staggered by the bill we received from the hospital lately. I was under the impression that our insurance paid 80%. Well...apparently for hospital stuff, there is a $500 deductible we first have to pay (I thought it was in with the $250 deductible for regular medical stuff), and then our insurance seems to only pay 60% of the bill, up to a certain amount. And we're left with the rest. Which on this first bill, is most of it. The insurance deemed it necessary to pay but a small amount. A small enough amount that I'm not sure it's even worth paying for insurance.

Sometimes it is SO EASY to be upset. And just cry. Part of this is hormones, I know. But nevertheless, it's easy. I really try to be tough, to not get overly upset, to think ahead and be reasonalble....but (especially when hormones are ruling me) reason sometimes escapes me and all I can see is this black hole that is swallowing me, telling me I was wrong, so very wrong to think we could handle having a child right now.

But I wanted one. I want one. I have dreams of this beautiful little girl I am carrying. I have a feeling she and I will do a lot of crying together...

But I won't be able to work until mid-may, likely. Can we last until mid-may? We'll have to. And I don't really want to drop my daughter off at a baby-sitters to raise, but I will need to work and have income. And I love my work, I'll love being back out with the horses. I will make sure I have plenty of days off, or days mostly off, to spend with my child.

I just wish I could see the road ahead. I wish I could say, "It's okay. In such a period of time, Mark will have overtime and I will be making such amount of money every month, and we'll be able to pay our bills, keep our heads above the water, and make a happy family with our daughter."

But I can't say that. All I can really say, is: "I think things will be okay. They have to be okay."

And that sucks.

Labels: , , , , ,

7 Comments:

Blogger Library Kid said...

I've been saying I hate Money since I was 16 years old and I was given the title of "man of the house", trying to support a single mom with two kids...

Even now, I'm on the brink of graduating college and I am already doubting the promises of greater income with a bachelor's degree.

I hate money...more so now that i've read this great post.

March 1, 2007 at 1:04 PM  
Blogger Marie said...

My husband lost his job three months after I got pregnant with our first son.

He didn't work again until after the kid was born. I was a bundle of nerves.

Fast forward twenty years and five kids - I was able to stay home with them all. We've been broke here and there but we haven't got hungry. All this to say, hang in there.

March 3, 2007 at 12:40 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I can understand. When I was pregnant, my insurance company took it's good ol time to pay their part of the bills (I was lucky and had medicaid to cover the last part). So once a bill was 6 months old, they'd send them to me. I was so hormonal that I'd panic. Luckily my insurance did get their butts in gear and paid their part so medicaid could cover the rest.

My mom is slightly diabetic (lowest level Diabetes that you can go), but she still has meds to take. With the $500 deductible on her insurance, she's expected to pay over $100 for one medication per month til the deductible is covered. That's just one of a few medications she takes per month. Of course once the deductible is covered she'll still have her percent to pay.

All and all, I feel for you on the insurance thing. Once it's all over, though, you can relax. I wish you the best of luck!

Angel

March 6, 2007 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger Soren said...

Sounds like there are some struggles in your life right now. Hang in there. I know that money, more specifically, not having enough money can be tough.

March 8, 2007 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger JudesMommy said...

It will be OK. Just remember to breathe, breathe, breathe and take one tiny babystep at a time when the black hole threatens to swallow you! Your beautiful little girl will be the love of your life and when you look in her eyes she will make it all better.

March 10, 2007 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Pendullum said...

That is a great deal on your plate...
And money is never easy...
But most people are getting themselves further and further in debt...Myself included...
Where I am not from your country, and I admit, I would be very scared in dealing with insurance compaies when it comes to my health...
I find the one thing our has that makes me proud, is health care... Our taxes pay for our visits to the hospital or doctor...
It may not be perfect but it is universal.... Everyone is entitled treatment...
It may seems like you have all the basis covered though. You have insurance, you are having a healthy pregnancy...
Take your time... it will fit into place... It just will...

March 12, 2007 at 7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My "now" ex and I didn't have a pot to pee in when we had our firstborn. You make it work somehow...it always does in the end.

Stating "ex" was probably a bad example :) but the example I have intended is that somehow, you find a way.

March 17, 2007 at 6:46 PM  

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